So I missed my trip to New York today.  My flight was cancelled because of the second storm.  Someone told me that some astronomical event that occurred in Gemini with the Mercury Retrograde would bring things, such as the storm, in a pair.  So my flight was cancelled and so were all of the other flights yesterday afternoon.

I could have flown on Delta this morning at 6:00 and made it just in time for the conference, but I really did not want to go.  If the universe gives you a sign as powerful as a Nor'easter, does it not make sense to listen?

I went to the doctor yesterday and he told me my blood pressure was high.  This is not the first time this has happened.  So I'm going to kick caffeine for a week and then go back to the Doctor.  I will see if caffeine has some effect on my blood pressure.  I suspect it might.  I am also getting back into an exercise routine.  I ran yesterday in the park and today my calves are paying for it.  I should go and get my bike today and take it out to the key for a ride.  I have not done that in a long time.  I wonder if my bike will fit in my car.

the things you need to write will come to you if you just listen to them and stop with the judging.  You are afraid to write the words you receive because you judge them.  this is a continuation of your concern with the reader.  REally you know that you do not have much of an audience.  So why are you worried about what they think?  YOu have not imposed any of this writing upon anyone.  YOu have not asked anyone to read it nor have you suggested that you think your efforts in woriting this are worthy of anyone else's attention.  You have to learn to be careful when you write.  You tend to want to do this with no effort, as if the words can flow from your fingers like a waterfall.

The words will come, but it is up to you to have the patience and the intention to put them on the paper in the correct manner.  As soon as your mind wanders, this connection is broken.  As soon as you question what you are writing, the channel is blocked.  See how you can regain the connection by letting go of the judgments of your mind.  These blocks are the same as the resistance to change that prevents you from accepting the abundance that the world offers you.

You are worried that you will not have everything you need despite obvious evidence to the contrary.  You have been alive for 45 years and you have never gone without anything that you have needed.  You have shut yourself off from love, and you have looked for it in places where it could not be found, but that does not mean it was not there surrounding you all of the time.

this is a joyous time in your life.  You should celebrate it and enjoy it.  You have been given all that you have asked for, yet you continue to worry about your career.  Your career at PNC is coming to an end, because you want it to come to an end.  Rather because you want to stop struggling.  You have struggled for your entire adult life. Not because struggling was necessary, but because you imposed this upon yourself.  Your struggle is over right now, just as it was over every day.

Your decision to cancel your trip to New York was an honest acknowledgement of what you did not want.  You did not want to force that trip, and you listened to this internal guidance.  You can be congratulated for that, because your pattern would be to ignore this and trudge ahead on a trip that you did not feel like going on.

This feeling I am speaking of is your emotional barometer.  It will tell you where your true path lies.  When you force yourself in a direction contrary to your true path, you feel disharmony within you and this leads to stress and unhappiness.  If you want to heal your heart and your blood pressure, this is where you must do your work.

You do not like having Alma in the apartment, and this has nothing whatsoever to do with Alma.  It has everything to do with your judgment of yourself.  You look at yourself through what you imagine to be her eyes.  What does she think of you sitting in the apartment?  What does she think of you writing on the computer or reading a book?  Does she think you should not be doing these things?  Does she think you should be doing something else? Why do you care?

You don't really care what Alma thinks at all.  What you really are doing is projecting your own harsh judgments of yourself onto Alma.  It is your voice that says these things about you.  It is you that thinks you should be doing something else, and that is why there is this disharmony inside you.

;You have a voice in your head that wants to argue with W and R about your career.  You want to justify your actions and your position and you feel that they should listen and agree.  There is a wound inside you that this energy is trying to heal, but this healing cannot come from W or R.  Prayer is the answer to this healing.  You are not a lazy person.  You want to work and to fulfill your mission.  But you do not see it right now and so you are paralyzed.You do not go out and seek for a new job because you are still holding on to the old one.

But think this is really not a problem.  You do not really want a new job right now.  You are getting married in February and then you are taking vacation.  You are planning to go to Hawaii with the kids over the summer and maybe to travel to Mapia in June.