So I have this energy inside me that wants things. It wants to go to Austin, it wants to go to the bahamas, it wants to go home early, it wants to see old friends, it wants this and that. I can feel i in m heart right now more as a feeling of dissatifaction than as a specific desire for something in particular.
Hurricane Sandy is scraping along the eastern coast of Florida today. I went down to the beach to watch the wind and the waves. Some young boys were trying to paddle their surfboards out into the swell. They were wearing full wetsuits and looked like little seals with red leashes around their ankles. They had absolutely no chance of getting out past the shore break. The wind was blowing from the north and strong. Every time a wave hit them, they would bounce aobut twenty five feet to the south along the shore. They never made it past their waste in depth. Probably a good thing because I could see the waves out past the shore break were well over head high with a very short period of eight seconds or so. A real choppy mess. Yemanja let them play, but would not let them out into the ocean. They were exhausted and smiling when they gave up. Safe in the face of danger.
What did these boys want? Really what they wanted was an adventure and to have fun. They wanted smiling faces and exhaustion. Their mothers wanted them to be safe. They no doubt had no idea that these boys were up to this.
So the natural action ofthese boys...was it motivated by a wanting like I feel in my chest? I do not think so. I think they were more acting naturally in the moment.
Someone asked me today if I could enjoy the bhaagmas for a long time. I suprprised myself with the enthusiasm of my answer. Yest. The whole of the future collapses into the present moment. There is nothing but an eternal now. This is so true. There is only the now, the moment. The what am I doing. It's funny that enlightenment takes ous out of th epresent as observers. We see ourselves form a distance and see how we respond to our world. But htne when we get right back to it, we come back into the fishbowl. We get back into that immediate present moement.
Surfing captures this so well. There is only the right now of the wave. It wont' be there in five minutes, maybenot even five seconds. I remeber some of the great feelings I have had on a wave. ihave probably have ahad about a dozen really memorable rides.In that moment ther eis nothing but the interaction with the energy of the wave in that present momemnt.
I have had the same feeling in the daime. Sometimes a hymn is so strong, the current is so strong, the portugeuse flowing off my tongue. The music so encompassing. There is no thought except the hymn. There is no spearation from the current. There is only that present moement.
Life is such a secquesnce of these momemnts. I have a dinner otngihg.. I am going to it, and I do not know why. My boss told me yesterday that my job will be ending in January. I have refused to take a transfer to Boise. And so my career of then years is coming to an end. And yet I am going to a dinner to make relationships with future clients. It would seem that there is no point in this, but that's because I do not really know what my mission is. My mission is to bring love and foregivemess with me inot ht vevent. Maybe my ission is to forbie wayne. He is strigging too because his duaghter has not been able to handle her kids after the sudden death due to illness of her husband. the kids have moved in with W and his wife K inBoise. They have sold their place in Florida. They no doubt have had challenges. I'm sure they were hurt in the real estate decline of the last decade.
And so Wayne is the one who had to give me the bad news. Maybe my role is to give him some foregiveness. Maybe my roll is to influecne someone that I meet there to be kind or tolerant to their children. Maybe I am just to bump someone in the right direction. Maybee the purpose is to have me in my hotel writing this note. Maybe it is to influcnce the young Brandon who is working with me at this event. Maybe it is to let S see what it is like when I am gone for a few days. I have to surrender to my purpose. I have ot turn my wanter off and just go in the present moment.
Sure I would like to be home tonight. Sure I miss S and my family. But I will be home tomorrow and the next day. Then I have to go to Orlando for the NBAA
What an imposter I am! working for a big bank as a daimista. I wonder if they really would care. I wonder if I will ever have a talk with Wayne about it.
I can still see the waves rolling in the back of my mind. I am listending to a recording of Alex Polari's hinario. Beautiful hymns.
I feel I am doing a much better job of writing without worrying about editing what I am typing. I am in fact doin t this with my eyes closed. I have no doubt that I will be able to read it. I have no doubt that someone else will object to the lack of correction.
Please forgive me. If you have managerd to read this far, please forgive me. I am not suggesting that your attention is not worth the effort required to edit and proofread this script. I am only doing this exercise of writing without editing and without judging. The purpose ofth s exercise is to just let the words flow out wihtout trying to judge or correct them. The purpose is to be s spicut of words just flowing out into the ether and then to publish them. I am tapping into the one consciousness. This is your consciousness as well as mine. I have no idea what I am going to write before it ocmes out of my fingers. I will do this assignment...see I just fell off my wave. The opoint of this is to develop my voice. It's not even my voice, it's a voice that comes to me. It is the shared voice of what it is to be human.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Heading for the beach...
I wonder if it is possible to pick up energy from other people at a distance. I was expecting to talk to S today, but it idi ot happen. The Oh I'm sorry I thought you were going to call me was the texted explanation, but there seems to be something more. Is that just my frustration coming through? This storm is brewing off the coast of Florida right now, and I am up in Jacksonville for a convention. Hurricane Sandy I believe is her name. It seems like she might cause me some trouble leaving on Saturday, which I do not want to happen. On top of that I have and acid feeling in my stomach,and a block toward calling S. I am not sure what is going on here.
When my old marriage was falling apart, I used to get this very strong feeling that "something ain't right" I was always right, it turns out, but I could never identify what it was that was giving me the signal. I jsut knew on some deep level that things were not as they seemed and that something was amiss. I learned to trust that instinct.
And so now I have that feeling agin very distinctly. But the important thing or an important thing to remember, is I was not always very good at knowing what it was that was wrong. And so that is the case now. I do have creepy feelings aobu this guy AG, but really no reason to the ink there is anything too that.
What is going on? What are these feelings that I have? What do I do about them?
I heard from my Boss today that my job will in fact be ending early next year. I hope to hold on until my life circumstance finishes it's transformation in mid April. I wonder what is going to happen with that.
When you have this feeling in your heart you are blocked. The block is the feeling. There is osomething in your energy field that is holding you back. This must be a resistance on your part. A resistance to what is int he vortex for you. What you want iso trying to manifsest, but you are holding on to some block that will prevent it. This is what happens when you are out of alignment with your true source. This misalignment causes the ill feeling of acid in your stomach and that constricted feeling in your heart. It couples with the actual powerful energy of the storm, your concern for your trip home and your uncertainty about your future. You do not want ot be where you are right now, and you are only here to keep a temporary thing alive. This will cause you minor upset, but it is not such a big deel because you ahve it in perspetive.
You are capable o fhandling small disturbances in your path. They may manifest as unpleasant feelings or sensations in your body, and you may experience them as negative moods. While these feelings and the time you spend subject to htese feelings will pass, you can handle them.
A good suggestion is to do something to clear yourself. A reset. You should go outside and enjoy some fresh air. Walk down to the boardwalk and let B pick you up there. Don't worry if you do not talk to S every five minutes. It iwll all be ok.
When my old marriage was falling apart, I used to get this very strong feeling that "something ain't right" I was always right, it turns out, but I could never identify what it was that was giving me the signal. I jsut knew on some deep level that things were not as they seemed and that something was amiss. I learned to trust that instinct.
And so now I have that feeling agin very distinctly. But the important thing or an important thing to remember, is I was not always very good at knowing what it was that was wrong. And so that is the case now. I do have creepy feelings aobu this guy AG, but really no reason to the ink there is anything too that.
What is going on? What are these feelings that I have? What do I do about them?
I heard from my Boss today that my job will in fact be ending early next year. I hope to hold on until my life circumstance finishes it's transformation in mid April. I wonder what is going to happen with that.
When you have this feeling in your heart you are blocked. The block is the feeling. There is osomething in your energy field that is holding you back. This must be a resistance on your part. A resistance to what is int he vortex for you. What you want iso trying to manifsest, but you are holding on to some block that will prevent it. This is what happens when you are out of alignment with your true source. This misalignment causes the ill feeling of acid in your stomach and that constricted feeling in your heart. It couples with the actual powerful energy of the storm, your concern for your trip home and your uncertainty about your future. You do not want ot be where you are right now, and you are only here to keep a temporary thing alive. This will cause you minor upset, but it is not such a big deel because you ahve it in perspetive.
You are capable o fhandling small disturbances in your path. They may manifest as unpleasant feelings or sensations in your body, and you may experience them as negative moods. While these feelings and the time you spend subject to htese feelings will pass, you can handle them.
A good suggestion is to do something to clear yourself. A reset. You should go outside and enjoy some fresh air. Walk down to the boardwalk and let B pick you up there. Don't worry if you do not talk to S every five minutes. It iwll all be ok.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
The mind is the bridge out of the dream
So I silenced my miraculous iPhone for half an hour. I have no excuses. There is little that will interrupt me except for Alba, who is cleaning the house. Hopefully she will stay on the other end. And so here I am with my thoughts and the first one that came into my mind was the Migraine I had on Monday. I have not had one in quite a long time. I do not even remember when the last one was. It seems like unfinished business from the work on Saturday.
It occurs to me that just because the title to the post appears at the top, does not mean it should be the first thing I write. I deleted it. I will write the title after I write this. After I write this for thirty minutes, which does seem, right now anyway, like a long time. And if you are reading this, which you are welcome to do, I would like to reitterate that I don't think this is good enough. I am trying very hard not to judge what I write, so I can develop a facility for actually writing it. The only bad writing is no writing by this theory. Maybe this proves otherwise, but maybe even that is useful.
So it seems a lot of people had migraine headaches on Monday. I know astrologically that the sun is alligneing with Saturn, and that they have both just slipped into scorpio. These powerful forces will align directly opposite the full moon on October 29th. We will get agood burst of energy on that day!
Everything continues to move so fast.
My young son is 18 years old and his girlfriend has moved into his bedroom at his mothers house. It is a very intense situation. He has a job, and she will look for one when she turns 18, which is in about a month. But for now, they are both living at her house. It seems like there are so many forces that are aligned against them. I want to communicate a feeling of hope to them. They do have the power to make their lives, but to do it, they are going to have to let go of a lot of expectations. My friends M and L from Austin tried hard to make it work at a tender age, and they had to separate. They are still a couple, bu thtey do not live together anymore. That was during my summer of 2011. I lived in the little attic above their apartment. I really did have nothing, but I had my jeep and a little place to sleep. It was a hot summer, but somehow I made it.
So much is changing so fast. My job is certainly the next thing on the line. I think that may have been a big contributor to my migraine the other day. It is so difficult sometimes to stay firm when the world is shaking.
I have to go on a trip for the bank today. I pray for the force to surrender to this mission. I do not understand how it fits on my path, but it certainly has appeared on it. I would resist going because I lack this understanding, but it does seem like the right thing to be doing. I pray for the force to let go of my resistance to this idea. I pray for the force to let go of resistance to change. I pray for the force to let go of the holding on. I pray for the serenity to not try to change anyone's mind while I am aay working. I praty for the humility to work steadily. To do my work where my work is required. Maybe my purpose in God's plan is to be with B, in the other hotel. My ego is certainly offended by that situation. Maybe some of my teaching and learning come from there.
Maybe I do not know my purpose. Maybe there are little perarls of wisdom that will start to fall from my writing. Maybe I ill have some ideas that find there way to these pages. Maybe they will help someone. Maybe the purpose is to instruct S and I about how it feels to be apart for a few days. Maybe we will discover that we like it. Maybe the purpose is for me to spend some time talking to my boss. Maybe it will be to help someone there.
I will travel for these three days with my mind open for possibilities. I was reading in the course in miracles today. I was reading about how we can join our minds with the mind of Christ. That there is no separation between us, and that the only way to find what we truly are is to find it in our brothers. So much from the Daime ligns up with the Course in Miracles. It really is amazing. w
Which guide will you choose? The ego? The ego is insane and it knows nothing but fear. It will guide you in circles because it does not know any true direction. It speaks first and speaks loudest and can therefore be very persuasive, but as a guide, it cannot teach you anything or direct you to any place you want to go. It can only shake you around.
I see G and H being shaken by their lives. It must feel very strange to be living like they are in that house. I wonder what their lessons are. I am sure they are strong lessons.
A little impuse inside me starts my figners moving again. My fingers move like rippling waves. They do not know what they are going to write. I had a vision the other day with Alex Polari that showed how the path is always there, whether we have Daime or not. I pray for the quite mind needed to tap into this source. I pray to open my aprahelo so that I may receiive and channel that which comes from beyond. A sensitive receiver is required to pick up these channels. The mid is such a device. You can fill your mind with the voice of the ego, which will crowd out all other voices, or you can still your mind so that the ripple from the astral go stirring through it and into your consciousness.
If you wish to write my words then you must learn to empty your mind so that I may write them there. Like at this very moment you do not know what it is that you will be writing. It is enough that you receive. What you receive will come right through you and otho the paper You can discuss the source and you can debate whether or not you think this voice is real, but none of that matters. The voice you are hearing is my voice and it is up to me to identify mysel fto you. But you are resisting hearing this information. You do not wan to receive it, and so it is not imposed upon you. Instead you remain satisfired to simply write down the words you are receiving.
That is ok, but there is still a teacher. There is only one teacher and that teacher is christ. You already know this anwer but you resist it. You resist this answer because your ego thinks that is too big a voice to channel through your humble machine. But that is, my sweeness, the wrong way to look at it. Why would you not want to channel the bstrongest and best voice? You are going into the astral in search of a guide and a teacher. The strongest voice is waiting there for you and that voice is mine.
Go do your work in Jacksonville. This is a break time for you as well as a work time. You are there to do my work, not the work of the bank. You resist this mission only because you do not understand, but surrender to it and understanding will come. A part of your mind is still questioning this writing. You are thinking that this is too long and that nobody will want to read it. But you already know that this is not the point of this exercise. Of course you judge an exercise by the wrong criteria, then you will have a wrong judgment of the exercise itself. If you think the exercise is to write something profound that someone esle will want to read, whne the exercise is simply for you to learn to get into touch with your inner voice, my voice, then you will judge your exericse by the wrong criteria. This again is the ego which judges everything wrongly, and therefore has wrong opionoins about everything. The purpose of this exercise is for you to notice how even when you hit backspace to delete a istyped letter you interrupt the flow of your writing, of my words.
The purpose of this exercise is to create flow. It is to open your channel to me. I will decide what to write. You can decide when to read it. You can decide whether youw ant to read it. If there is something in here that is meant for soeone else, they will find it one way or another. Maybe you will repeat something that will find it's way to the target ear. Mabye I will bring them here and guide them through this writing.
But I am the teacher and you are the student. But the reciprocal is also true... you are the teacher, but I am not your student, because I am just trying to wak eyou up at this point. This is not about being equal or fair. Are you the equal of your brother who is sleeping? of course. Does your brother know he is sleeping? Not while he is in a dream. So if you gently wake up your brother from a deep sleep, you are teaching he, and he is not teaching you, and yet you are still equal in every sense of the word. This is the nature of my relationship to you.
We are all part of the same mind. The illusion of spearatarion is that there are many minds. I see the truth and you do not because you are asleep. I am here to enter into your dream and wak eyou from the inside out.
Remember some of the nightime dreams you have been given recently? Let one come to you...you can feel it there...what was it? There was a rat in a drawer and you caught it to take it outside. To defend itself against being eaten it started to defecate. So you walked outside holding a defecating rat. What else happened in that dream? Do you remember? It was very strainge wasno't it? Yet you knever questioned its reality.
this dream is the same way. It is so obviously a dream of your own creation, but being in it, you can but attest to its reality. This is because you made it, and you believe in what you made. Really it is that simple. that's why you believe your other dreams, your night time dreams. You believe them becaus eyou create them. So if you are swimming with a boat and a raft and a polar bear up rice steppes covered with snow, in warm water, well you will never in that dream quesiton the reality of your experience.
Where is go dwhen you are there? What source can you pray to? How can you remember? A voic emust come into your mind while you are in the dream. W could dream of a book adn read the voice. We could pray or miditate, which we do not do in dreams. But what about this draem that we are in right now? What can we do now?
The same thing si the answer. We have to connect through the mind. The mind creates your world, just as the mind creates your nightime dreams.
And so that was half an hour.
It occurs to me that just because the title to the post appears at the top, does not mean it should be the first thing I write. I deleted it. I will write the title after I write this. After I write this for thirty minutes, which does seem, right now anyway, like a long time. And if you are reading this, which you are welcome to do, I would like to reitterate that I don't think this is good enough. I am trying very hard not to judge what I write, so I can develop a facility for actually writing it. The only bad writing is no writing by this theory. Maybe this proves otherwise, but maybe even that is useful.
So it seems a lot of people had migraine headaches on Monday. I know astrologically that the sun is alligneing with Saturn, and that they have both just slipped into scorpio. These powerful forces will align directly opposite the full moon on October 29th. We will get agood burst of energy on that day!
Everything continues to move so fast.
My young son is 18 years old and his girlfriend has moved into his bedroom at his mothers house. It is a very intense situation. He has a job, and she will look for one when she turns 18, which is in about a month. But for now, they are both living at her house. It seems like there are so many forces that are aligned against them. I want to communicate a feeling of hope to them. They do have the power to make their lives, but to do it, they are going to have to let go of a lot of expectations. My friends M and L from Austin tried hard to make it work at a tender age, and they had to separate. They are still a couple, bu thtey do not live together anymore. That was during my summer of 2011. I lived in the little attic above their apartment. I really did have nothing, but I had my jeep and a little place to sleep. It was a hot summer, but somehow I made it.
So much is changing so fast. My job is certainly the next thing on the line. I think that may have been a big contributor to my migraine the other day. It is so difficult sometimes to stay firm when the world is shaking.
I have to go on a trip for the bank today. I pray for the force to surrender to this mission. I do not understand how it fits on my path, but it certainly has appeared on it. I would resist going because I lack this understanding, but it does seem like the right thing to be doing. I pray for the force to let go of my resistance to this idea. I pray for the force to let go of resistance to change. I pray for the force to let go of the holding on. I pray for the serenity to not try to change anyone's mind while I am aay working. I praty for the humility to work steadily. To do my work where my work is required. Maybe my purpose in God's plan is to be with B, in the other hotel. My ego is certainly offended by that situation. Maybe some of my teaching and learning come from there.
Maybe I do not know my purpose. Maybe there are little perarls of wisdom that will start to fall from my writing. Maybe I ill have some ideas that find there way to these pages. Maybe they will help someone. Maybe the purpose is to instruct S and I about how it feels to be apart for a few days. Maybe we will discover that we like it. Maybe the purpose is for me to spend some time talking to my boss. Maybe it will be to help someone there.
I will travel for these three days with my mind open for possibilities. I was reading in the course in miracles today. I was reading about how we can join our minds with the mind of Christ. That there is no separation between us, and that the only way to find what we truly are is to find it in our brothers. So much from the Daime ligns up with the Course in Miracles. It really is amazing. w
Which guide will you choose? The ego? The ego is insane and it knows nothing but fear. It will guide you in circles because it does not know any true direction. It speaks first and speaks loudest and can therefore be very persuasive, but as a guide, it cannot teach you anything or direct you to any place you want to go. It can only shake you around.
I see G and H being shaken by their lives. It must feel very strange to be living like they are in that house. I wonder what their lessons are. I am sure they are strong lessons.
A little impuse inside me starts my figners moving again. My fingers move like rippling waves. They do not know what they are going to write. I had a vision the other day with Alex Polari that showed how the path is always there, whether we have Daime or not. I pray for the quite mind needed to tap into this source. I pray to open my aprahelo so that I may receiive and channel that which comes from beyond. A sensitive receiver is required to pick up these channels. The mid is such a device. You can fill your mind with the voice of the ego, which will crowd out all other voices, or you can still your mind so that the ripple from the astral go stirring through it and into your consciousness.
If you wish to write my words then you must learn to empty your mind so that I may write them there. Like at this very moment you do not know what it is that you will be writing. It is enough that you receive. What you receive will come right through you and otho the paper You can discuss the source and you can debate whether or not you think this voice is real, but none of that matters. The voice you are hearing is my voice and it is up to me to identify mysel fto you. But you are resisting hearing this information. You do not wan to receive it, and so it is not imposed upon you. Instead you remain satisfired to simply write down the words you are receiving.
That is ok, but there is still a teacher. There is only one teacher and that teacher is christ. You already know this anwer but you resist it. You resist this answer because your ego thinks that is too big a voice to channel through your humble machine. But that is, my sweeness, the wrong way to look at it. Why would you not want to channel the bstrongest and best voice? You are going into the astral in search of a guide and a teacher. The strongest voice is waiting there for you and that voice is mine.
Go do your work in Jacksonville. This is a break time for you as well as a work time. You are there to do my work, not the work of the bank. You resist this mission only because you do not understand, but surrender to it and understanding will come. A part of your mind is still questioning this writing. You are thinking that this is too long and that nobody will want to read it. But you already know that this is not the point of this exercise. Of course you judge an exercise by the wrong criteria, then you will have a wrong judgment of the exercise itself. If you think the exercise is to write something profound that someone esle will want to read, whne the exercise is simply for you to learn to get into touch with your inner voice, my voice, then you will judge your exericse by the wrong criteria. This again is the ego which judges everything wrongly, and therefore has wrong opionoins about everything. The purpose of this exercise is for you to notice how even when you hit backspace to delete a istyped letter you interrupt the flow of your writing, of my words.
The purpose of this exercise is to create flow. It is to open your channel to me. I will decide what to write. You can decide when to read it. You can decide whether youw ant to read it. If there is something in here that is meant for soeone else, they will find it one way or another. Maybe you will repeat something that will find it's way to the target ear. Mabye I will bring them here and guide them through this writing.
But I am the teacher and you are the student. But the reciprocal is also true... you are the teacher, but I am not your student, because I am just trying to wak eyou up at this point. This is not about being equal or fair. Are you the equal of your brother who is sleeping? of course. Does your brother know he is sleeping? Not while he is in a dream. So if you gently wake up your brother from a deep sleep, you are teaching he, and he is not teaching you, and yet you are still equal in every sense of the word. This is the nature of my relationship to you.
We are all part of the same mind. The illusion of spearatarion is that there are many minds. I see the truth and you do not because you are asleep. I am here to enter into your dream and wak eyou from the inside out.
Remember some of the nightime dreams you have been given recently? Let one come to you...you can feel it there...what was it? There was a rat in a drawer and you caught it to take it outside. To defend itself against being eaten it started to defecate. So you walked outside holding a defecating rat. What else happened in that dream? Do you remember? It was very strainge wasno't it? Yet you knever questioned its reality.
this dream is the same way. It is so obviously a dream of your own creation, but being in it, you can but attest to its reality. This is because you made it, and you believe in what you made. Really it is that simple. that's why you believe your other dreams, your night time dreams. You believe them becaus eyou create them. So if you are swimming with a boat and a raft and a polar bear up rice steppes covered with snow, in warm water, well you will never in that dream quesiton the reality of your experience.
Where is go dwhen you are there? What source can you pray to? How can you remember? A voic emust come into your mind while you are in the dream. W could dream of a book adn read the voice. We could pray or miditate, which we do not do in dreams. But what about this draem that we are in right now? What can we do now?
The same thing si the answer. We have to connect through the mind. The mind creates your world, just as the mind creates your nightime dreams.
And so that was half an hour.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Wisdom for young minds
I had lunch with my son the other day. He's 18 years old, and he lives with his girlfriend. He just found a job busing tables, and she is going to find a job soon--when she turns 18. We spoke about how large food companies work to prevent people from being able to identify what is in their food. How nobody would buy pork from hog farms if they were connected to the suffering of the pig.
Everyone should have a pig. We should have pigs instead of landfills. Imagine if we got rid of plastic bags, and had a pig in the back yard. Instead of scraping our plates into the garbage, we would put the extra into a bucket and feed it to the pig, who would then, in turn, make fertilizer for our vegetable gardens. This used to be what people did. I remember stories from my father about how they had some farm animals on the property where my mother lives now. A ritzy section of Coconut Grove has grown up around it, and so there is not a chicken or a cow or a pig to be found.
Instead, we get our food from the grocery store, where it comes from. Food is born in plastic styrofoam trays with plastic wrap over the top and a sell by date on it. Where does it come from? How was it grown? What hormones and antibiotics were used to enable the creature to survive it's filthy living conditions? How much did it suffer? These questions are never asked. That is because the food comes from big farms with big gates that are a long way off. The advertising has pictures of happy pigs and neat slogans like "the other white meat," but we truly have no contact with our food.
It comes that way precisely so we do not have this information. People would feel very uncomfortable if they knew about udder puss. Udder puss is the infectious slime that gets into milk when you have dairy cows in completely disgusting unnatural conditions. To prevent udder puss from developing into a dangerous infection that could reduce milk production, they pump the cows full of antibiotics. What kind of antibiotics? Who cares! right? And to increase production further, they give the cows loads of hormones, so their cow bodies think they have a really urgent need to make a whole bunch of milk. And by doing all this, we can sell a gallon of milk for less than it costs to make a gallon of gasoline.
And so there is a movement out there somewhere to start knowing where your food comes from. There is another movement to label our food. But why would we want that? It's unnecessary! right? That's what big food wants you to think.
But if we knew, if we cared, if we were awake, we would do something about it. We would buy eggs from chickens who had not spent their entire lives in agony. We would by chickens from the neighborhood farm, where chickens live in chicken coups and walk around in the yard and eat bugs and other stuff that chickens eat. And some chicken food too. We would feed them, but a nice balanced chicken diet. The chickens would lay some brown eggs with firm shells, and we would eat them. They might cost a bit more. They might cost fifty cents an egg. Fifty cents. That means you could have a really good three egg omelette for about a buck fifty. That's pretty reasonable right?
But that's not what we do. We pay $1.29 a dozen for eggs from chickens that live in hell, eat garbage, and are pumped full of drugs.
I know I know, this is a rant. But it's true. We should know where our food comes from. We should treat animals humanely. We should not be so embarrassed by what goes on in our farms that we will not allow the public to see what goes on. We should not put stuff in our food that food companies do not want to label.
So my son was taken aback by this. Really he had no idea that the mission of the food industry was to take crap, package it in shiney wrappers, fill it with high fructose corn syrup and other poisons and then sell this garbage to us.
My son said, someone should write a book about this. Someone should write a book for young people with the truth in it, so we will know about it.
That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to start right now. This is the book. It's free. It's true. If ever I get any money from it, I'm going to use it to support the rain forest.
Everyone should have a pig. We should have pigs instead of landfills. Imagine if we got rid of plastic bags, and had a pig in the back yard. Instead of scraping our plates into the garbage, we would put the extra into a bucket and feed it to the pig, who would then, in turn, make fertilizer for our vegetable gardens. This used to be what people did. I remember stories from my father about how they had some farm animals on the property where my mother lives now. A ritzy section of Coconut Grove has grown up around it, and so there is not a chicken or a cow or a pig to be found.
Instead, we get our food from the grocery store, where it comes from. Food is born in plastic styrofoam trays with plastic wrap over the top and a sell by date on it. Where does it come from? How was it grown? What hormones and antibiotics were used to enable the creature to survive it's filthy living conditions? How much did it suffer? These questions are never asked. That is because the food comes from big farms with big gates that are a long way off. The advertising has pictures of happy pigs and neat slogans like "the other white meat," but we truly have no contact with our food.
It comes that way precisely so we do not have this information. People would feel very uncomfortable if they knew about udder puss. Udder puss is the infectious slime that gets into milk when you have dairy cows in completely disgusting unnatural conditions. To prevent udder puss from developing into a dangerous infection that could reduce milk production, they pump the cows full of antibiotics. What kind of antibiotics? Who cares! right? And to increase production further, they give the cows loads of hormones, so their cow bodies think they have a really urgent need to make a whole bunch of milk. And by doing all this, we can sell a gallon of milk for less than it costs to make a gallon of gasoline.
And so there is a movement out there somewhere to start knowing where your food comes from. There is another movement to label our food. But why would we want that? It's unnecessary! right? That's what big food wants you to think.
But if we knew, if we cared, if we were awake, we would do something about it. We would buy eggs from chickens who had not spent their entire lives in agony. We would by chickens from the neighborhood farm, where chickens live in chicken coups and walk around in the yard and eat bugs and other stuff that chickens eat. And some chicken food too. We would feed them, but a nice balanced chicken diet. The chickens would lay some brown eggs with firm shells, and we would eat them. They might cost a bit more. They might cost fifty cents an egg. Fifty cents. That means you could have a really good three egg omelette for about a buck fifty. That's pretty reasonable right?
But that's not what we do. We pay $1.29 a dozen for eggs from chickens that live in hell, eat garbage, and are pumped full of drugs.
I know I know, this is a rant. But it's true. We should know where our food comes from. We should treat animals humanely. We should not be so embarrassed by what goes on in our farms that we will not allow the public to see what goes on. We should not put stuff in our food that food companies do not want to label.
So my son was taken aback by this. Really he had no idea that the mission of the food industry was to take crap, package it in shiney wrappers, fill it with high fructose corn syrup and other poisons and then sell this garbage to us.
My son said, someone should write a book about this. Someone should write a book for young people with the truth in it, so we will know about it.
That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to start right now. This is the book. It's free. It's true. If ever I get any money from it, I'm going to use it to support the rain forest.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Viva A Cura
So much came to me during the healing work that we had in Miami over the weekend. The Daime was very strong. We sang the hinario of Manoel Corrente, which is one of my favorite hinarios. Manoel Corrente never received any of his own hymns, so his hinario consists of hymns that were offered to him by others in the Daime. The combination of hymns from so many different sources makes the hinario seem like a quilt of beautiful patches. Manoel Corrente is considered to be a very powerful healer, and the healing force of the hinario really comes through.
I had a lot of work about blocks to my expression. Frustration with work, where I feel that I am not heard, builds up in my heart. Where do I put this energy? Where can it flow? It has been stuck in my heart on the left side and manifesting as pain in my back between the shoulder blades and along the spine. I had a moment during the work when I was overcome by the force and went to lie down, and I could feel the Daime working into my heart.
I also received a lot of insight into how we select the contents of our minds and that this selection is the primary cause of our happiness or lack of happiness. We live in the mind, and if we let bad thoiughts occupy our living space, well of course we will not be happy. So simple to be vigilant, but one must pay attention.
An aparehlo is a medium that channels energy and spirits from the divine. I saw how the illusion of self can give way to the function of the apparehlo. Once you learn to clean your channel, then you can choose what energy you want to flow through that channel. The Christ energy was very strong and I could feel how, with humility, I could let the force sweep aside my ego and it's bleating voice and replace that vibration with the force of Christ. And it does not really matter what you believe. The reality of what is there is undeniable when you are experiencing it.
I learned about sweetness. I saw how hummingbirds spend their live sipping sweetness from the flowers. I saw how we can pour forth our own nectar and by being sweet we attract sweetness into our lives. Be loyal to your sweetness was a strong message from the work. Healing was another strong message. One of the hymns was spoken by the spirit of the Daime, and it was so clear how it was not there to do any harm to us. The fear and suffering we experience during the work comes from within us, not from the Daime. Once I broke through the fear and released into the Miracão the entire work shifted into a very positive vibration.
Over the course of six hours I was bombarded by so many insights, so much physical healing, so much music so many hymns, so much force, so much love. I simply cannot even begin to remember it all. I pray that it was engraved somewhere in my heart.
Viva a Cura!
I had a lot of work about blocks to my expression. Frustration with work, where I feel that I am not heard, builds up in my heart. Where do I put this energy? Where can it flow? It has been stuck in my heart on the left side and manifesting as pain in my back between the shoulder blades and along the spine. I had a moment during the work when I was overcome by the force and went to lie down, and I could feel the Daime working into my heart.
I also received a lot of insight into how we select the contents of our minds and that this selection is the primary cause of our happiness or lack of happiness. We live in the mind, and if we let bad thoiughts occupy our living space, well of course we will not be happy. So simple to be vigilant, but one must pay attention.
An aparehlo is a medium that channels energy and spirits from the divine. I saw how the illusion of self can give way to the function of the apparehlo. Once you learn to clean your channel, then you can choose what energy you want to flow through that channel. The Christ energy was very strong and I could feel how, with humility, I could let the force sweep aside my ego and it's bleating voice and replace that vibration with the force of Christ. And it does not really matter what you believe. The reality of what is there is undeniable when you are experiencing it.
I learned about sweetness. I saw how hummingbirds spend their live sipping sweetness from the flowers. I saw how we can pour forth our own nectar and by being sweet we attract sweetness into our lives. Be loyal to your sweetness was a strong message from the work. Healing was another strong message. One of the hymns was spoken by the spirit of the Daime, and it was so clear how it was not there to do any harm to us. The fear and suffering we experience during the work comes from within us, not from the Daime. Once I broke through the fear and released into the Miracão the entire work shifted into a very positive vibration.
Over the course of six hours I was bombarded by so many insights, so much physical healing, so much music so many hymns, so much force, so much love. I simply cannot even begin to remember it all. I pray that it was engraved somewhere in my heart.
Viva a Cura!
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Stepping through days
And so the days continue to roll by. I still have some work to do on a project for the Bank that I have just not been motivated to do. S has work today, which is Saturday. She works tomorrow too. She's part of a project that will require her to work six days a week with only Monday off until the project goes into a new phase in mid-November. I went to see my talky doctor yesterday. I questioned why I was there, because I do not feel like a patient. Nevertheless she gave me some good advice.
I had to sign a negative performance review. It was not something I wanted to sign, and I felt that I had not had an opportunity to speak. But talky doctors advice was sound. Let go of pride and take one for the team. Just sign it and send it back without causing unnecessary drama. I am content to persist in this job until the spring. But it sure makes it hard to get motivated to do actual work. With no prospect of a bonus, with no prospect of a long term career, and with no friendships or personal motivations, by career with the bank is a dead letter. The rash part of me wants to just cut this dead branch out of my life right now to make way for new growth. But with my ex depending on me for alimony and in recognition of how unsexy it would be if I were unable to pay my alimony on my own, I really just have to put up with it. But today is the six month pre-anniversary of alimony freedom day.
There are a few mile posts on the next six months. Next weekend I will be traveling for work. The middle of November marks the shifting of S's project, and then we have Thanksgiving. We are traveling for works in the Santo Daime over New Years. I have two corporate meetings in January and February, and then we get married in February.
So much is changing in the next six months. I must keep a positive focus during this time because the outcomes are all in their probability field. I need to focus on meditation and alignment with my vortex to create the outcome I want.
Beware of discontent because it will be your downfall. Discontent will elad you in directions that are not in your best interest. Gratitude and present mindedness are the remedy for discontent. You have everything you need and your mission is being revealed to you in its own time. Remember your mission is to perform the function that God has given to you, and this function is to teach. You are teaching some very important people right now, and when you let your ego run away with your mood, you are stepping out of this vital role. The worries that darken your mind are all dark imaginings of a future that does not exist yet. Anxiety is by definition focused in the future. You cannot be anxious concerning the present moment because anxiety implies concern for what will happen. Peace is the only state of mind that you can entertain in the present moment. Peace should be your goal, and peace comes from the here and now.
The vibration of stress that you feel in your heart is from a scary story about the future. You fear that the large events that are looming on the horizon may not work out in a favorable way. But you must have faith that they will work out as I intend to have them work out. You can select your path, but if you surrender your path to my will, then you will always find peace in your heart.
I had to sign a negative performance review. It was not something I wanted to sign, and I felt that I had not had an opportunity to speak. But talky doctors advice was sound. Let go of pride and take one for the team. Just sign it and send it back without causing unnecessary drama. I am content to persist in this job until the spring. But it sure makes it hard to get motivated to do actual work. With no prospect of a bonus, with no prospect of a long term career, and with no friendships or personal motivations, by career with the bank is a dead letter. The rash part of me wants to just cut this dead branch out of my life right now to make way for new growth. But with my ex depending on me for alimony and in recognition of how unsexy it would be if I were unable to pay my alimony on my own, I really just have to put up with it. But today is the six month pre-anniversary of alimony freedom day.
There are a few mile posts on the next six months. Next weekend I will be traveling for work. The middle of November marks the shifting of S's project, and then we have Thanksgiving. We are traveling for works in the Santo Daime over New Years. I have two corporate meetings in January and February, and then we get married in February.
So much is changing in the next six months. I must keep a positive focus during this time because the outcomes are all in their probability field. I need to focus on meditation and alignment with my vortex to create the outcome I want.
Beware of discontent because it will be your downfall. Discontent will elad you in directions that are not in your best interest. Gratitude and present mindedness are the remedy for discontent. You have everything you need and your mission is being revealed to you in its own time. Remember your mission is to perform the function that God has given to you, and this function is to teach. You are teaching some very important people right now, and when you let your ego run away with your mood, you are stepping out of this vital role. The worries that darken your mind are all dark imaginings of a future that does not exist yet. Anxiety is by definition focused in the future. You cannot be anxious concerning the present moment because anxiety implies concern for what will happen. Peace is the only state of mind that you can entertain in the present moment. Peace should be your goal, and peace comes from the here and now.
The vibration of stress that you feel in your heart is from a scary story about the future. You fear that the large events that are looming on the horizon may not work out in a favorable way. But you must have faith that they will work out as I intend to have them work out. You can select your path, but if you surrender your path to my will, then you will always find peace in your heart.
Friday, October 19, 2012
Saying good bye to my job
So I have been through quite a lot of changes over the last few years. It all started in November of 2008 when I had a vision that I was going to be pulled through the eye of a needle. It came to me in a dream. And sure enough, the process started soon thereafter. I do not want to tell a story about what happened to me, because I surely played as much a role in what happened as anyone. There is no one to blame. The bottom line is that my job is the only thing that has yet to change.
And that change is coming. I had my first negative performance evaluation for the year of 2010. It was delivered to me in January of 2011. My divorce was also final in January of 2011, and so it was not surprising that 2010 was not my best year. In 2011 I did a lot of searching, and not a lot of working, and so my performance for that year was low as well.
I worked hard in the first half of 2012, but still my results were poor. I had to sign and return a mid year evaluation that says in no uncertain terms that my performance is not acceptable. I can argue a lot about this, but really there is not much point. I printed out a couple of copies, and wrote comments. But ultimately decided to simply sign the review with no comments at all. There really is not that much to say.
I saw my talky doctor today. I have been seeing her since my marriage started falling apart in 2009. I have a good relationship with her. She told me that because of my new relationship, I need to take one for the team, and simply sign the review. This job serves a purpose for another six months, and so I need to just eat my pride and sign the thing and return it.
But it is more than a shame. For ten years I have been with the Bank. They have no idea who I am personally, and certainly no idea that I am a Daimista. I do not even know how I would raise that topic. Oh by the way, I am a member of a cult from the rain forest that uses a special entheogenic sacrament made form a leaf and a vine that are brewed together into a powerful tea similar to Ayahuasca. Maybe they would be more supportive than I expect.
I have ten years of experience in a very specialized field, and yet my career is dissolving. I have so much to offer, but it appears not to the Bank.
I have done a lot of soul searching. i have so many arguments in my head. Imaginary conversations with someone from HR, with someone from the executive office, with my boss and his boss. But none of these conversations are real. The reality is that my mission simply is no longer with the Bank. And so this transition is coming.
I have a lot of fear about this and so I struggle to hold on to my job. I do tasks and submit reports and go to meetings and dial into conference calls because if I simply stop doing any work, then my job will certainly end faster. I do not feel free to resign, largely because to do so under the terms of my divorce decree would be a very bad move legally. And so I do nothing.
But the feeling of tension remains in my heart. It is a powerful time. In six months from tomorrow, my ex-wire could be married, and I am planning to be married in only four months. There are so many possibilities. I can only pray and watch things unfold. But here is my vision.
I will marry S in February
M will marry M in April
I will be asked to resign from my job effective March 1, 2012
I will receive six months of severance
I will start a brilliant new career in the fall of 2013
Once again, in a years time, everything will be different.
The first step is to quietly sign my performance evaluation.
And that change is coming. I had my first negative performance evaluation for the year of 2010. It was delivered to me in January of 2011. My divorce was also final in January of 2011, and so it was not surprising that 2010 was not my best year. In 2011 I did a lot of searching, and not a lot of working, and so my performance for that year was low as well.
I worked hard in the first half of 2012, but still my results were poor. I had to sign and return a mid year evaluation that says in no uncertain terms that my performance is not acceptable. I can argue a lot about this, but really there is not much point. I printed out a couple of copies, and wrote comments. But ultimately decided to simply sign the review with no comments at all. There really is not that much to say.
I saw my talky doctor today. I have been seeing her since my marriage started falling apart in 2009. I have a good relationship with her. She told me that because of my new relationship, I need to take one for the team, and simply sign the review. This job serves a purpose for another six months, and so I need to just eat my pride and sign the thing and return it.
But it is more than a shame. For ten years I have been with the Bank. They have no idea who I am personally, and certainly no idea that I am a Daimista. I do not even know how I would raise that topic. Oh by the way, I am a member of a cult from the rain forest that uses a special entheogenic sacrament made form a leaf and a vine that are brewed together into a powerful tea similar to Ayahuasca. Maybe they would be more supportive than I expect.
I have ten years of experience in a very specialized field, and yet my career is dissolving. I have so much to offer, but it appears not to the Bank.
I have done a lot of soul searching. i have so many arguments in my head. Imaginary conversations with someone from HR, with someone from the executive office, with my boss and his boss. But none of these conversations are real. The reality is that my mission simply is no longer with the Bank. And so this transition is coming.
I have a lot of fear about this and so I struggle to hold on to my job. I do tasks and submit reports and go to meetings and dial into conference calls because if I simply stop doing any work, then my job will certainly end faster. I do not feel free to resign, largely because to do so under the terms of my divorce decree would be a very bad move legally. And so I do nothing.
But the feeling of tension remains in my heart. It is a powerful time. In six months from tomorrow, my ex-wire could be married, and I am planning to be married in only four months. There are so many possibilities. I can only pray and watch things unfold. But here is my vision.
I will marry S in February
M will marry M in April
I will be asked to resign from my job effective March 1, 2012
I will receive six months of severance
I will start a brilliant new career in the fall of 2013
Once again, in a years time, everything will be different.
The first step is to quietly sign my performance evaluation.
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