So I have this energy inside me that wants things.  It wants to go to Austin, it wants to go to the bahamas, it wants to go home early, it wants to see old friends, it wants this and that.  I can feel i in m heart right now more as a feeling of dissatifaction than as a specific desire for something in particular.

Hurricane Sandy is scraping along the eastern coast of Florida today.  I went down to the beach to watch the wind and the waves.  Some young boys were trying to paddle their surfboards out into the swell.  They were wearing full wetsuits and looked like little seals with red leashes around their ankles. They had absolutely no chance of getting out past the shore break.  The wind was blowing from the north and strong.  Every time a wave hit them, they would bounce aobut twenty five feet to the south along the shore.  They never made it past their waste in depth.  Probably a good thing because I could see the waves out past the shore break were well over head high with a very short period of eight seconds or so.  A real choppy mess.  Yemanja let them play, but would not let them out into the ocean. They were exhausted and smiling when they gave up.  Safe in the face of danger.

What did these boys want?   Really what they wanted was an adventure and to have fun.  They wanted smiling faces and exhaustion.  Their mothers wanted them to be safe.  They no doubt had no idea that these boys were up to this.

So the natural action ofthese boys...was it motivated by a wanting like I feel in my chest?  I do not think so.  I think they were more acting naturally in the moment.

Someone asked me today if I could enjoy the bhaagmas for a long time. I suprprised myself with the enthusiasm of my answer.  Yest.  The whole of the future collapses into the present moment.  There is nothing but an eternal now.  This is so true.  There is only the now, the moment.  The what am I doing. It's funny that enlightenment takes ous out of th epresent as observers.  We see ourselves form a distance and see how we respond to our world.   But htne when we get right back to it, we come back into the fishbowl.  We get back into that immediate present moement.

Surfing captures this so well.  There is only the right now of the wave.  It wont' be there in five minutes, maybenot even five seconds.  I remeber some of the great feelings I have had on a wave.  ihave probably have ahad about a dozen really memorable rides.In that moment ther eis nothing but the interaction with the energy of the wave in that present momemnt.

I have had the same feeling in the daime.  Sometimes a hymn is so strong, the current is so strong, the portugeuse flowing off my tongue.  The music so encompassing.  There is no thought except the hymn.  There is no spearation from the current.  There is only that present moement.

Life is such a secquesnce of these momemnts.  I have a dinner otngihg..  I am going to it, and I do not know why.  My boss told me yesterday that my job will be ending in January.  I have refused to take a transfer to Boise.  And so my career of then years is coming to an end.  And yet I am going to a dinner to make relationships with future clients.  It would seem that there is no point in this, but that's because I do not really know what my mission is.  My mission is to bring love and foregivemess with me inot ht vevent.  Maybe my ission is to forbie wayne.  He is strigging too because his duaghter has not been able to handle her kids after the sudden death due to illness of her husband.  the kids have moved in with W and his wife K inBoise.  They have sold their place in Florida.  They no doubt have had challenges.  I'm sure they were hurt in the real estate decline of the last decade.

And so Wayne is the one who had to give me the bad news.  Maybe my role is to give him some foregiveness.  Maybe my roll is to influecne someone that I meet there to be kind or tolerant to their children.  Maybe I am just to bump someone in the right direction.  Maybee the purpose is to have me in my hotel writing this note.  Maybe it is to influcnce the young Brandon who is working with me at this event.   Maybe it is to let S see what it is like when I am gone for a few days.  I have to surrender to my purpose.  I have ot turn my wanter off and just go in the present moment.

Sure I would like to be home tonight.  Sure I miss S and my family.  But I will be home tomorrow and the next day.  Then I have to go to Orlando for the NBAA

What an imposter I am!  working for a big bank as a daimista.  I wonder if they really would care.  I wonder if I will ever have a talk with Wayne about it.

I can still see the waves rolling in the back of my mind.  I am listending to a recording of Alex Polari's hinario.  Beautiful hymns.

I feel I am doing a much better job of writing without worrying about editing what I am typing.  I am in fact doin t this with my eyes closed.  I have no doubt that I will be able to read it.  I have no doubt that someone else will object to the lack of correction.

Please forgive me.  If you have managerd to read this far, please forgive me.  I am not suggesting that your attention is not worth the effort required to edit and proofread this script.  I am only doing this exercise of writing without editing and without judging.  The purpose ofth s exercise is to just let the words flow out wihtout trying to judge or correct them.  The purpose is to be s spicut of words just flowing out into the ether and then to publish them.  I am tapping into the one consciousness.  This is your consciousness as well as mine.  I have no idea what I am going to write before it ocmes out of my fingers.  I will do this assignment...see I just fell off my wave.  The opoint of this is to develop my voice.  It's not even my voice, it's a voice that comes to me.  It is the shared voice of what it is to be human.