writing exercise

And so I suppose I should set a discipline to write for a certain amount of time each day, without judging the content of what I am writing.  I suppose this will free up my voice and let words flow out.  You cant edit while you create, and if there is no audience, there is no one to edit for.  The purpose of this is to create.

And so creation flows like a river.  I remember a story I heard about a man who fell into a river three times while trekking in the Amazon.  He then went to a work with Ayahuasca and was terrified.  The medicine told him to be as he was in the river.  This was a powerful lesson, because there was no fighting the river.  All he could do was go with the force of the water, and sure enough, it brought him to an eddy and to safety each time.  You cannot resist the force of the Santo Daime.  You cannot resist the force of Ayahuasca.  If the force comes strong, it will have its way.

Such a cliche about bending like a reed or like a palm tree in a hurricane or like bamboo in the wind.  Why do so many cultures have these examples of strength through flexibility.  If you are rigid, the force will break you, but if you bend, then you flow with it.  One has to flow with the force.  This is true in a river and it is true in a work.  There is no denying a force so strong.

But what about in life?  We struggle and resist all the time.  I am struggling right now with my job, which I really do not need.  They want me to travel all over the place and do all kinds of things that I really do not want to do.  I went through a hard period, at least what I thought was a hard period, where everything was taken from me, or at least I thought it was.  I found myself living in very modest quarters with no material possessions.  I learned that I was ok with that.  Now that I know I need so little to be happy, I'm not quite so willing to trade my time for money.  I'd rather have the time.  I don't want to go spend the night in a hampton inn.  I don't have to do that.  I don't need a new car or a bigger TV.  I don't need any of that stuff.

What I do need is very simple, and I have it already.  I just need to have gratitude and faith.  But I still hold onto the job.  It makes me feel anxious.  I get bad reviews.  I put pressure on myself.  But really I can let go.  Not do anything.  Sure they will eventually have to let me go, but really that is what I want.

So why do I have a fear of being fired when I don't want to do the job in the first place?  Because I am a creature of habit.  We will see how this works out.  I have to have faith that it will work out for the better.

I am going to Austin this weekend.  This will be a lot of fun.  Some powerful force is coming from the forest.  We will be singing hymns of antiquity that came straight from the dark night of the forest.  These hymns bring force, they bring healing, they bring light into the darkness.  Surrender to the hinario of Maria Damiao.  These will be strong works.  With Alex Polari, the works are always strong.

There is so much anonymity in blogging when you don't seek an audience.  These words are available to a billion people, yet none will see them.   They are like individual stars in a distant galaxy...There for all to see, but only for those who look at them.  Just like the daime.  The doctrine cannot be given to you.  It is for those who seek it out.

And so now I have written for a while and I have done a good job not judging the content of what I am writing.  I feel like I am kind of rambling to myself.  This voice in my head does reach my fingers.  The words just pop right out.  I am not thinking up these words, yet they appear.  If I could type faster, then the words would come out faster.  It would be nice if they would start saying something useful.  Right now, it just seems like a ramble.  Pointless.  There, that stopped them.  All I had to do was tell them they were pointless and they stopped.

Maybe this practice is important.  Maybe the important thing is to keep writing them.  Maybe a mystery will be revealed in them that I am not aware of.  Maybe if I keep writing whatever the voice wants me to write, after I get enough practice it will start writing the good stuff.  Maybe my guides want me first to open the channel to really get the words flying without judging them. Like some of theses sentences with incorrect grammar.  Like that last one and this one.  These are not real sentences, and yet somehow this does not matter.  The meaning is in them, and at least I understand what I mean as I write them.  And so by not judging them, by simply letting the words flow out, I am learning how to get my ego out of the writing game and just let the words flow like I am a river.  I am a river of consciousness attached to the larger stream.  I have invited the consciousness to flow through me and just like water it flows through the opening.  I can create a great river of consciousness that will be expressed through these words if I can get my ego out of the way and just write.  It's funny how the words turn off when I go backwards to correct a typographical error.  If I spend time editing the text, then the words stop.  But some editing of really bad mistakes is good.  It will cause me to be more faithful to the words that I am receiving.

St. Michael comes to mind.  So does the guide I see when I go to a work with my fiance.  She is so strong and free from fear, but fear is what dominates her ego.  But her guide sees that everything is ok.  She seems to do so well.  I feel that I am a part of the line of St. Michael.  It is this line that I serve in, and it is St. Michael that directs me.  We are all in the line of God, but my line includes St. Michael.  I am under his charge and he speaks through me sometimes.  I pray to St. Michael to guide me in my life.  In fact I am asking right now.  St. Michael, I implore you, I have the little willingness to surrender myself to the divine will.  Please take my hand and guide me through these difficult times. Help me make the right steps.  Help me teach, and therefore learn, the right lessons.  You taught me how to learn through teaching when I was in law school.  You taught me how to find your voice in the astral during works with the Santo Daime.  Please now, come in and teach me how to follow my path in the world of samsara.  It was interesting that we saw that movie in connection with the works with Paulo Roberto.

I think it is time to post this now. I feel it is important to publish, not just to write and save, because this is a light in the darkness.  Maybe not such a bright one, and maybe nobody will want to read it right now, but maybe it will develop into something.  Maybe this is the top of the hill and this is a little snow ball just starting to roll down.  Maybe this is the first part of my mission.  Maybe this is part of everything that comes next.  We will see.